For the last few days, I haven't been able to think straight. My mind would bounce from one thing to another to another. One moment, I'm thinking about ideas for a drawing, and the next I'm thinking really deep thoughts about life and such.
And it's the same thing -- maybe even worse -- when I go on to this blog.
It's like several parts of me are fighting for control, fighting over who would get their words out there.
There's my "ideal" side, which I guess is who I want to be. He's really calm, cool, collected, wise, happy, friendly, outgoing... his ultimate goal is for people to look up to him. To see him as a role model. He wants people to ask him for advice and for help.
Then there's my "emo" side. He's the one with deep, hidden regrets. He's the one that comes out when I'm laying in bed and makes me remember better days and how they will never come back. And worst of all he makes me think of her. Exactly who she is... well, that's something for later as well.
And then there's my "anti" side. I call it anti because he's everything that my reality side isn't. Really happy, fun, outgoing... He isn't afraid of what people will think. He just does. However, the reality side's fear keeps him in check. So the only way to channel him is though characters I make up.
Lastly, there's my "reality" side. He's the one who appears when I'm sitting here typing, making my hands all sweaty. He's who I am in the real world. He's got all sorts of issues, mainly in the shy and anti-social area. Well, I guess you could say less of shy and more of fear. Fear of what people think. Right now, that side wants to go on a long rant on how he... I... got this way. In fact, I once found myself thinking about posting a big rant about how I came to be and it got so intense I was on the verge of crying. But all that may be for later. Then again, it may never be.
I realize I've been making all these serious blogs, but I don't care. I'm putting my mind here. It's good to have a place where you could let it all out. If I feel goofy one day, you'll know.
Alright, I'm done.